Following the One Who Leads

"No one writes your story if you don't."- Steffany Gretzinger 

I'm called to write my story, to give an honest account, and to share with others what God has done in my life and continues to do, so here it goes.  A little over three months ago, I packed up everything I owned in my 2007 Honda Element and moved from Mississippi to Los Angeles, California to help with a church plant.  Most strangers and even some friends ask why in the world I would want to move somewhere like LA.  While Los Angeles is beautiful... "It is a ridiculously expensive.  The traffic is terrible.  The people are self consumed... blah blah blah"  These things are true, and I can affirm that from a first hand experience now, but I've never felt more sure about anything than moving here. 

The Stirring in my Heart

"It's always been you, LA.... "

I have had a longterm relationship with Los Angeles. I honestly knew I was called here before I was even a believer.  I loved Southern CA with all my heart before ever stepping foot here. I can vividly remember my dad taking a trip here when I was a kid and how curious I was about it. He told me about a place where the sun is always shinning, the beach on one side of the road and mountains on the other, with Disneyland close by.  Then, in high school my friends and I become completely engrossed with a TV show called "The OC." My curiosity for the West Coast came rushing back. We spent many hours dreaming of what it must be like to live in such a place. 

My family finally visited Los Angeles when I was in college, and I dreamed again about coming back one day to stay mostly from selfish ambitions and dreams wanting to be in the industry at the time, but it seemed impossible.  A few years later, one of my friends decided to move here to pursue modeling. I dated a guy for years that grew up here and who still visited regularly. Then, another one of my friends moved here to go to law school.  Following that, I moved into a house with a couple of girls who went to a church that was planting a church here (both my future churches).  I just couldn't stop thinking about Los Angeles.  I pondered these thoughts for years and after a year of seriously praying and thinking about it, decided to go for it. 

Dreaming with God 

I once heard it said that if you don't know what God is saying to you to ask yourself what He's been saying all along.  Don't make it difficult.  What do you know deep in your heart to be true of His calling for you?  Your next question following a statement like that might be, "how do you know that's not just you?"  The truth is that in some ways, I don't.  Here's what I do know: God puts hopes and dreams in our hearts as a way to accomplish his plans in our lives.  

Also, things lined up for me to move to LA like nothing ever has before.  God provided me with a place to live, a job, and community quickly and easily.  I don't know about you, but most of my life has been a struggle of decisions, and I often question if I have made the right ones.  Moving to LA wasn't like that.  It just seemed to make sense.  While Mississippi is a lovely place filled with lovely people including my family, I honestly never felt like I fit in there.  So I asked myself the question: "Why not go?".. and the even more haunting question that I faced was, "Would I always regret it if I didn't go?"

I couldn't live like that.  I made a promise to myself a couple of years ago to not live a life of regret.  I want to live a full life and the only person standing in the way of that is me.  God is not withholding! If there's anything I've learned the last couple of years, it's that.  I think growing up in the bible belt, we've been taught to be so afraid of the prosperity gospel that we forget God's goodness.  We forget He makes provisions.  More importantly, we forget that He cares about our dreams. 

The Mission

Why start a church in Los Angeles?  The following verses have continued to ring in my head the last three months and continue to come up in numerous conversations:

"11 But when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with such scum 12 When Jesus heard this, he said, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do.”13 Then he added, “Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.” - Matthew 9:9-13 NLT.

Moving to Los Angeles as a church planter isn't anything like moving to a third country as a missionary.  Some of the richest people in the world live here.  Also, people here at least have some idea of who Jesus is, though it may not be a very accurate depiction.  Surprisingly, for the most part, people here haven't been as negative about the church plant as I anticipated, but many MANY people here believe in some form of universalism.  They seem glad I've found my path in life, but they believe there are many paths and ways to God.

There's a lot of spiritually sick people in Los Angeles, and we're called to meet with them where they are.  They know they are sick.  Getting them to that point isn't the difficult part.  It's convincing them that Jesus is the answer rather than horoscopes, new age religions, and the latest self help book.  

The Reality of Moving Here:

I was well prepared for the spiritual issues and the difficulties of this city before moving here.  As mentioned earlier, people have been much kinder than I anticipated.  Surprisingly, the hardest part about moving here for me hasn't been the traffic, the parking (which has brought me to the point of tears haha), the expenses, the people or even, the culture shock (which is huge).  

The hardest part about moving here has been the mundane.... the monotonus day-to-day routine both the stillness and the chaos each day here has brought.  I haven't mentioned this yet for those who don't know, but I don't work for the church plant.  I currently don't work in any type of ministry for that matter.  I have a job in marketing and customer relations for a medical transcription company where God almost never comes up.  

For some reason, the last two exceedingly difficult years of my life spent in Mississippi were surprisingly spiritually full beyond measure.  In my life in Hattiesburg, I felt God everywhere.  I felt Him in each conversation, dream, song written, door opened, etc.  I lived a life full of prayer, writing, and dreaming.  Here around some the most creative people in the world, I have felt somewhat paralyzed constantly asking God where He is and if He's still moving in my life at all.  

I even wrote this poem about it: 

Still My Heart Cries for More: 

The busyness of life takes Your beauty 

I only wish I could stay here a little more 

I find you in all the quiet places 

and still my heart cries for more 

You are true...You are good

I want to know You on deeper levels 

I eat Your words and I take them in

And I hope they come out how they went in

I know the words I write influence those around me 

Ohh, that I would write them something true

Let me be nothing but a mirror 

that points them right back to You

Fully human and fully God

Your throne along with your scars 

And because of this I love You more 

I embrace You for all that You are

What would life be like if I lived in Your presence

and danced with You like before 

I long to sit and talk with You 

but still my heart cries for more

I'm not saying that God hasn't used me yet or that He won't use me much more in the upcoming months and years.  I know He will do abundantly more than I could ever dare ask or hope or imagine.  That's my prayer at least.  Please make it your prayer too and pray for me and the city of Los Angeles.